Do More of What Makes You Happy

“Do more of what makes you happy”. This pertains in your personal and work life. Yes, this is easier said than done. Since we were children we were conditioned to please our parents in order to receive love. For many of us our natural intuition was hampered or gaslit. Instead of following our gut, we first looked outside ourselves and asked “What would my parents want me to do?”.

For many this continues on till the end of their lives. For the lucky few, possibly through therapy or self exploration they come to the realization that the reason they are so miserable in their adult life is the fact they are not living authentically. They are in fact living a life they believed others other than themselves wanted them to lead.

Getting to the route of this problem is first being conscious enough to realize that you are living an inauthentic life. Do you wake up in the morning and not want to get out of bed because the job you go to drags you down every day? In your daily activities do you feel that you are going against the grain? Do me a favor, and when you have these feelings, stop and question why you feel this way. To lead a happier life, what you pursue and who you communicate with whether it be family or friends, there is a need for a happy balance.

Happiness is very important to leading a fulfilling life. If you are unhappy, question what areas of your life are causing you stress and come to an understanding exactly why this is.

Once you conscious that you are unhappy, and you will need to explore what alternatives there are to allowing you to live a more authentic happier life. If after many years you have come to realize the career you have is not what you wanted all along but in fact what your parents wanted for you, start exploring what other areas or subjects interest you. What activities did you partake in as a child that would spark your curiosity and make you excited?

The last step to living an authentic life is to take ACTION! Without action, all you have are thoughts and ideas rolling around in your head. Reach out to others and online who are interested in what you are exploring. If needed go see a career counselor, or a therapist if you believe deeper self exploration is required. Without taking action nothing will change. I know it is scary, but the alternative is that you will stay stuck in an unfulfilling life forever.

I am in the same boat as you. I too am paddling upstream, but I think it gets better the more you practice self change. Best of luck to you!

Branching out and being uncomfortable, why bother?!

I recently took a new job as a Customer Success Manager. This role entails me reaching out to clients, building a rapport with them so that the products and services that they purchased don’t go to waste. It is also my job to have the pulse of the customer and make darn sure that the account does not churn.

Here is the thing, I have always been introverted my whole life. I have been on the timid side for my better years too. Before this role I worked on the technical side, behind a computer and when speaking with customers, I would usually never make much effort to make small talk. I never enjoyed it. I lived in my little shell, and I was okay with it.

So why would you think I would put myself in such an awkward position later in my life? The answer lies in the fact that I wanted to expand my horizons, to branch out and get outside of my comfort zone. And, boy did I. I have never felt more like a fish out of water than in this position.

I can see why others might avoid situations like this. Feeling uncomfortable is, well uncomfortable. It is human nature to gravitate to the safe and known path. Otherwise we would risk being injured or possibly expend additional energy that we might need later on.

However, life is about growth. If you are not growing, then your life becomes stagnant. Sure, some would say this isn’t true, but if the body and mind is not kept in motion and challenged, it declines. Muscles atrophy and brain functions decline.

In order to live a more meaningful and joyful life, inject more meaning into your life. I see this more in my future than ever. I want to make more connections with others the older I get. In order to do this, I will need to work on my social skills, hence the new position.

Early on during the pandemic when I was craving social connection, I signed up for a number of online meetup groups. One such website is Meetup.com. It is free to join and there are so many groups with a wide range of topics to choose from. You don’t even have to turn on your camera when in the meetup sessions, however it is highly encouraged.

I am going to continue to reach out and make social connections with others. I was avoidant of doing so in the past, however, as I gradually become more social, I have realized how much of a joyful experience it is.

Where Do I Go From Here?

After getting off the bus in the late afternoon, yesterday, I drove twenty minutes north to attend a Toastmasters meeting. I have never really been the first one to speak up in a group setting. I have always been content to stay silent and let others speak for me.

As I have gotten older, I have become keenly aware that my lack of visibility in team meetings, and group outings can have a detrimental affect on how I perceive myself, and how I am perceived by others.

I guess what I am saying is that when you choose to behave like you are invisible in life, don’t expect many opportunities to come your way.

Naturally, I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). For me to actively extrovert throughout the day, it thoroughly drains me. When I get home, I feel like I had run a twenty five mile marathon. I conserve energy by purposefully not taking in all the sights and sounds that occur around me, on a daily basis. Working in a loud single room with dozens of cubicles causes my soul to wither.

With all the distractions and obligation to extrovert in order to win the favor of my extroverted manager, I feel like an abject failure, at the end of the day. Even when things go well, they don’t really. My job doesn’t fit me, my coworkers for the most part don’t fit me, the work is something I could walk away from today, and not feel the slightest bit of remorse. God, this is starting to sound depressing.

Getting back to why I went to a Toastmasters meeting, I wanted to do something outside the norm for me. I already feel anxious about my career, and what lays ahead of me in the near future, but to push myself slightly more outside my comfort zone, it feels exhilarating. It gives me a sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, I can be something different, I can reimagine myself and my future.

In order to make a career shift, it will take persistence and dedication. It is scary not being able to see what is just over the hill, but then again it is also exhilarating too. Life is a journey, it is meant to be experienced. I want to get to the end of my life and look back and be proud of what I have accomplished. So far, I cannot say that about myself, for the most part.

If you never take chances in life, and strive to grow into a better version of yourself, life becomes stagnant and you run the risk of missing out on some great opportunities.

So, my advice for myself and you is…get out there and take measured chances, speak to new people, learn new things, grow a little every day. Your soul will thank you for the effort.