Happen To Your Life

This is one major epiphany, that life always doesn’t have to happen to me, rather I can happen to my life.

I think I have always blamed others, or unfortunate circumstances when things didn’t go so well. Poor job performance at work, well just blame it on the employer or customers.

Ultimately it seems that this is just me unconsciously trying to protect my ego. I don’t want to admit that maybe I am not putting too much effort, or that I am not very good at what the job entails. It makes sense.

The cost to blaming others is that I never get the opportunity to accurately assess why things are not going so well. There is no real opportunity for me to understand why my poor job performance is occurring. I never let true honesty between my conscious and unconscious self unfold. If I was honest and in touch with my feelings, I would know that I was miserable in my new role, that I had never really enjoyed working for this company, that I was settling for far less, just because I never thought I could do more or be more.

That in order to create a meaningful life, I would need to be clear with myself on what I really wanted. I’m not good at asking for what I want. I have a tendency to look at neediness as a weakness. I want to change that now. I have needs and I deserve to get them filled.

But that is the thing, it takes effort and and addressing the unconscious fears to be able to get what you want in life.

I realize now that life doesn’t have to happen to me. I don’t have to stay in a job I hate, that I can explore other opportunities. That in the end, my limiting beliefs of what I am capable of are holding me back.

Beliefs about yourself, others and the world have such a tremendous impact on our lives. I never really questioned my beliefs. Many of these beliefs I learned from childhood. It makes sense that these unconscious unhelpful beliefs would be carried by me into adulthood. The majority of us (or all of us) carry around these old unhelpful beliefs our whole lives, unfortunately.

The best way to combat this is to practice mindfulness. Practice being aware of what thoughts are driving us to act and think the way we do. Only then will we have the chance to call those unhelpful beliefs into question, and possibly change our course and take a different path in life.

I Am Afraid To Try!?! – Mindfulness is the key

Part of what makes progressing in my life rough is that I get stuck in a proverbial loop.  My logic (or lack there of) for giving up on a pursuit is that If I put effort in a task and it doesn’t work out, then I would have ended up wasting all that effort and time.

I am bound to fail, so why even try in the first place?

My default answer to this dilemma is indecisive action, by not putting much effort or time into the task at hand, because why would I,  I’m destined to fail anyways, or look like an ass in the process.

Subpar results are what is created from this train of thinking, or no progress at all .   A life not fully lived.  A coward afraid to step outside his comfort zone to address the unknowns in life.

Why am I asking these questions later in life?  I am 42 years old. Maybe it is self awareness that is playing the key part in all of this. I meditate almost daily, and visit a therapist twice a month, so it might just be that I am able to better visualize how my brain is processing and rationalizing certain situations.    I have never been more self aware, in my life.

What if instead of worrying about being shamed, for not knowing the answer at work, or being afraid that if I study up on a certain subject that I end up not mastering the material, I just pick a task and complete it, not for anyone else but because I wanted to learn the subject.

Isn’t that is what people do, they tend to practice what they are good at, and because of this they are good at what they practice?

Instead of heaping  worries, fears, lofty expectations into something, I just mindfully clear that mental clutter from my mind and just learn for the sake of learning, and the fact that I am curious?

Simplifying, acknowledging what I fear,  and addressing these fears and worries is what I believe it takes to overcome what we are reticent to pursue.   This could be a relationship, career,  finances..ect.  The list goes on and on.

In order to have better self awareness, we need to practice mindfulness.  If you google this topic, there is plenty of material out there, so I won’t bore you with the details.

As I mentioned previously, I practice meditation, but there are other means to becoming more mindful about your thoughts.  It just takes practice, and addressing your fears and worries, one step at a time.