Do More of What Makes You Happy

“Do more of what makes you happy”. This pertains in your personal and work life. Yes, this is easier said than done. Since we were children we were conditioned to please our parents in order to receive love. For many of us our natural intuition was hampered or gaslit. Instead of following our gut, we first looked outside ourselves and asked “What would my parents want me to do?”.

For many this continues on till the end of their lives. For the lucky few, possibly through therapy or self exploration they come to the realization that the reason they are so miserable in their adult life is the fact they are not living authentically. They are in fact living a life they believed others other than themselves wanted them to lead.

Getting to the route of this problem is first being conscious enough to realize that you are living an inauthentic life. Do you wake up in the morning and not want to get out of bed because the job you go to drags you down every day? In your daily activities do you feel that you are going against the grain? Do me a favor, and when you have these feelings, stop and question why you feel this way. To lead a happier life, what you pursue and who you communicate with whether it be family or friends, there is a need for a happy balance.

Happiness is very important to leading a fulfilling life. If you are unhappy, question what areas of your life are causing you stress and come to an understanding exactly why this is.

Once you conscious that you are unhappy, and you will need to explore what alternatives there are to allowing you to live a more authentic happier life. If after many years you have come to realize the career you have is not what you wanted all along but in fact what your parents wanted for you, start exploring what other areas or subjects interest you. What activities did you partake in as a child that would spark your curiosity and make you excited?

The last step to living an authentic life is to take ACTION! Without action, all you have are thoughts and ideas rolling around in your head. Reach out to others and online who are interested in what you are exploring. If needed go see a career counselor, or a therapist if you believe deeper self exploration is required. Without taking action nothing will change. I know it is scary, but the alternative is that you will stay stuck in an unfulfilling life forever.

I am in the same boat as you. I too am paddling upstream, but I think it gets better the more you practice self change. Best of luck to you!

Happen To Your Life

This is one major epiphany, that life always doesn’t have to happen to me, rather I can happen to my life.

I think I have always blamed others, or unfortunate circumstances when things didn’t go so well. Poor job performance at work, well just blame it on the employer or customers.

Ultimately it seems that this is just me unconsciously trying to protect my ego. I don’t want to admit that maybe I am not putting too much effort, or that I am not very good at what the job entails. It makes sense.

The cost to blaming others is that I never get the opportunity to accurately assess why things are not going so well. There is no real opportunity for me to understand why my poor job performance is occurring. I never let true honesty between my conscious and unconscious self unfold. If I was honest and in touch with my feelings, I would know that I was miserable in my new role, that I had never really enjoyed working for this company, that I was settling for far less, just because I never thought I could do more or be more.

That in order to create a meaningful life, I would need to be clear with myself on what I really wanted. I’m not good at asking for what I want. I have a tendency to look at neediness as a weakness. I want to change that now. I have needs and I deserve to get them filled.

But that is the thing, it takes effort and and addressing the unconscious fears to be able to get what you want in life.

I realize now that life doesn’t have to happen to me. I don’t have to stay in a job I hate, that I can explore other opportunities. That in the end, my limiting beliefs of what I am capable of are holding me back.

Beliefs about yourself, others and the world have such a tremendous impact on our lives. I never really questioned my beliefs. Many of these beliefs I learned from childhood. It makes sense that these unconscious unhelpful beliefs would be carried by me into adulthood. The majority of us (or all of us) carry around these old unhelpful beliefs our whole lives, unfortunately.

The best way to combat this is to practice mindfulness. Practice being aware of what thoughts are driving us to act and think the way we do. Only then will we have the chance to call those unhelpful beliefs into question, and possibly change our course and take a different path in life.

I hate feeling anxious!

I started looking for a future partner recently, having broken up with my previous partner over six months ago. The anxiety of reaching out to perfect strangers, coming up with the right words to use and then keeping that correspondence going is enough to drive anyone mad!

But here’s the thing, in any endeavor where you are asked to put your self out on a limb, it is going to feel unnatural, foreign, scary and a bit squeamish. I am sure others who have found their partner for life are very glad that they are not swimming around the dating pool.

Any time I have made an oversized effort to change a part of my life, I have felt this uneasiness. Just the thought of the feeling makes me want to scurry for safety. But this perceived safety is false. If I continue to isolate myself and never reach out, I know I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have been alone for majority of my life, and the worrisome thing is that I am very comfortable with self imposed isolation.

To make things worse, I do things slowwwwwly… So any changes in my life have been made over a fairly large period of time. This pattern is self evident in so many aspects of my life…career change, and dating to name a couple. I wish I could make large changes in my life at a much quicker pace. Maybe this is not something wise to ask for. Maybe it is best to make gradual changes over a certain time period.

My motivation for change comes and goes like the breeze. This doesn’t help things either. It just feels like time is slipping by so quickly. You can grasp at the grains of sand as they slip between your fingers but it doesn’t slow it down.

I think knowing what I want, and clarifying it in my mind and writing down on paper is the first step of taking the reins of my future. I also think purposefully putting a consistent amount of time and effort into certain chosen endeavors is a wise choice. Small investments of time over a given period of time can produce wonderful outcomes.

So, this is what I will do. Write down what I want, put in consistent effort, and work on making these dreams come true. Wish me luck!

Branching out and being uncomfortable, why bother?!

I recently took a new job as a Customer Success Manager. This role entails me reaching out to clients, building a rapport with them so that the products and services that they purchased don’t go to waste. It is also my job to have the pulse of the customer and make darn sure that the account does not churn.

Here is the thing, I have always been introverted my whole life. I have been on the timid side for my better years too. Before this role I worked on the technical side, behind a computer and when speaking with customers, I would usually never make much effort to make small talk. I never enjoyed it. I lived in my little shell, and I was okay with it.

So why would you think I would put myself in such an awkward position later in my life? The answer lies in the fact that I wanted to expand my horizons, to branch out and get outside of my comfort zone. And, boy did I. I have never felt more like a fish out of water than in this position.

I can see why others might avoid situations like this. Feeling uncomfortable is, well uncomfortable. It is human nature to gravitate to the safe and known path. Otherwise we would risk being injured or possibly expend additional energy that we might need later on.

However, life is about growth. If you are not growing, then your life becomes stagnant. Sure, some would say this isn’t true, but if the body and mind is not kept in motion and challenged, it declines. Muscles atrophy and brain functions decline.

In order to live a more meaningful and joyful life, inject more meaning into your life. I see this more in my future than ever. I want to make more connections with others the older I get. In order to do this, I will need to work on my social skills, hence the new position.

Early on during the pandemic when I was craving social connection, I signed up for a number of online meetup groups. One such website is Meetup.com. It is free to join and there are so many groups with a wide range of topics to choose from. You don’t even have to turn on your camera when in the meetup sessions, however it is highly encouraged.

I am going to continue to reach out and make social connections with others. I was avoidant of doing so in the past, however, as I gradually become more social, I have realized how much of a joyful experience it is.

Keep playing the game, it gets better!

I sell on Ebay, and to sell on Ebay I need to procure “stuff” others want to buy on a regular basis. So here is the thing, when I first started out going to thrift stores, and searching for items through apps such as Offerup, I really had no clue what I was doing.

I started out driving all over town, picking up bulky items that I would pay whatever the asking price was. I didn’t try to haggle the price down with the seller. This business model ended up being inefficient and time consuming.

But this is the thing. When you are in the process of learning anything new, you will go through a similar phase. The awkward path of figuring it out, stumbling along the path of being green at something. Along the way this newness brings with it feelings of uncertainty, self doubt and feelings of loneliness.

There is no way of avoiding it. When starting something new you will most likely suck at it for a while. For me I enjoyed the exploration and learning. I enjoy meeting new people and speaking with them about the items they are selling. The process of learning was more than just a job to me, it fit my personality well.

I guess this segways into the next main point is your “why”. Why do you want to learn this new thing, and is it a big enough “Why” to help push you over the hump when the going gets tough? Being clear about why you want to master a new subject or take a new class will help bring clarity to your mind, when the going gets tough.

The longer you keep playing the game, the more opportunities start opening up for you. I am reminded of this time and time again. On one given day, I might visit a couple thrift stores and garage sales and come up empty. For some this is enough reason to call it quits and stop going out looking for more items. A sign from the gods that they have failed, their luck has dried up and there are no more riches to be found. However, I never quit. I understood that in order to get the good items, I need to be consistent in searching for new items. It never seems to fail. I can have a string of one or two bad days, but strike gold the next day.

You have to keep playing the game in order to reap the rewards. If your “why” is strong enough and you persevere, you will succeed. The odds are in your favor.

How do I know this time will be different?

Why haven’t I tried more? What in my career and in life in general has caused me to be so blind to the fact that I am not making much progress?

I am passive. I don’t purposefully pursue what is in my best interest for the long run. I am future focused but I am not. I have not planned out my career, as I should have, and now I am in a bind.

I tell myself that I am going to get my shit together, and that this time it will be different, but really, if I am honest with myself, will it really? How can I trust myself after pulling this shit, over the past 40+ years.

Am I a loser? Because I don’t have a wife, a secure cushy job and a four year degree? Possibly, in the eyes of many Americans. We live our lives by the ideals of our society. If we happen to not meet those expectations, many of us cannot help to feel like we are abject failures.

So, in short, I don’t know if this time it will be different. All I can do is try my best, and make better plans for my future. I’m a bit of a dreamer, so it is very easy for me to get lost in my head. I will just need to be more self aware.

I don’t know what is in store for me, and my future. I should be grateful for what I have and be thankful that I am healthy. There are a lot less fortunate people out there in the world, and a person’s personal perspective can become clouded with their less consequential misfortunes, easily.

I guess what I have to say is that nobody is holding my feet to the fire. If I don’t like my current predicament, well then, I best do something about it. I plan to go see a career counselor, and I am going to look into completing my bachelors degree.

Complaining and ruminating only saps a person’s energy. It is best to plan a a course of action and take it. Any direction at this point is fine by me!

You Have to Fail in Order to Succeed!

After experiencing what many might say was an existential crisis, three years ago, I have been continually pursuing a path of personal development and self growth.

Looking back, I can see that self growth does not happen all at once, it takes time, effort, and a lot of energy. Patience and perseverance are also two key ingredients.

I have observed that a large chunk of the three years, I have spent in isolation. As an introvert, when I have a problem, I tend to seclude myself from others, and research a topic for hours, days, and sometimes years to fully comprehend what it is that I am curious about.

Don’t get me wrong, researching, reading, and analyzing data, is what I like to do, but I have come to the conclusion that over the past few years, the biggest spurts of growth that I have had in the field of personal development came in the form of taking direct action.

This could be going out on dates, or taking courses online, getting up the nerve to talk to a therapist. I even setup an informational interview with a coworker, and by doing so I formed a friendship with the most amazing person.

Now, I can see why taking action is not the go-to means for people (introverts especially) who want to make a change in their lives. Taking action is scary. Why would you want to wander outside your comfort zone, to meet total strangers, when you could sit on your comfy couch and read a book about how to talk with strangers, instead?

Here is the thing that struck me about taking action. A sure sign that you have taken action is that you have failed! That’s right! Failure is a sure sign that you have taken action. Without Failure, there can be no chance of success.

So there you have it, go out there, take action, and expect to fail a few times in the process. But, just by the fact that you failed, means that the chance of success is that much closer within your grasp!