I can’t remember a time when I didn’t second guess myself. I will get a grand idea in my head, possibly on rare occasions with bravado and passion I will attack the task, but eventually my eagerness and energy will fade.
Any great idea that I have had has been brought to me by that little voice. That faint almost timid whisper that occurs when the clouds part in my mind and a moment of clarity delivers to me a great idea.
Almost simultaneously, with this grand idea, almost immediately after there is a sharp pang of fear. A fear so intense, that my natural reaction is to push away the new idea, like it was encrusted with tumors and oozing cancer!
I think that fear is the thought that others would be dismissive of my idea. Like when you tell someone you want to accomplish a big goal, and they shoot you down, “you can’t do that, you will fail!”, they would say.
What is the issue here? I am sure like all big issues in adulthood they almost always have their start in childhood. As a child I never got much space to grow. My family like many families was pretty dysfunctional. One of the side affects of a dysfunctional family is numero uno, you don’t, no cant admit to yourself or others that your family is dysfunctional. The truth doesn’t exist. Dysfunction flourishes in families where the dysfunction itself is not acknowledged. Everyone keeps quiet.
The side affect of this kind of childhood upbringing is that you are repeatedly gaslit by family members. “No, we didn’t have an argument last night, everything is fine Timmy”. When the reality of what is occurring is completely ignored, you start questioning if you are the crazy one.
So, one byproduct of a dysfunctional childhood upbringing can be that you have a pattern of second guessing yourself. You might not even know it at the time, I sure didn’t.
I think the only way to break this cycle is to stop and truly listen to that inner voice. Take what it is saying to heart and honor what it suggests. Like a small child coming to you with an idea. Just listen. And then if the idea sounds half good, follow through with it. Try it out. What can it hurt! Maybe try it out for an agreed upon time interval and see where it leads. I’m going to try juggling live chickens for 15 days! If it doesn’t work out, pat yourself on the back and encourage your inner child to keep offering up ideas.
I think this can help mend trust issues with the inner child that got scrambled at a much younger age.