I Am Afraid To Try!?! – Mindfulness is the key

Part of what makes progressing in my life rough is that I get stuck in a proverbial loop.  My logic (or lack there of) for giving up on a pursuit is that If I put effort in a task and it doesn’t work out, then I would have ended up wasting all that effort and time.

I am bound to fail, so why even try in the first place?

My default answer to this dilemma is indecisive action, by not putting much effort or time into the task at hand, because why would I,  I’m destined to fail anyways, or look like an ass in the process.

Subpar results are what is created from this train of thinking, or no progress at all .   A life not fully lived.  A coward afraid to step outside his comfort zone to address the unknowns in life.

Why am I asking these questions later in life?  I am 42 years old. Maybe it is self awareness that is playing the key part in all of this. I meditate almost daily, and visit a therapist twice a month, so it might just be that I am able to better visualize how my brain is processing and rationalizing certain situations.    I have never been more self aware, in my life.

What if instead of worrying about being shamed, for not knowing the answer at work, or being afraid that if I study up on a certain subject that I end up not mastering the material, I just pick a task and complete it, not for anyone else but because I wanted to learn the subject.

Isn’t that is what people do, they tend to practice what they are good at, and because of this they are good at what they practice?

Instead of heaping  worries, fears, lofty expectations into something, I just mindfully clear that mental clutter from my mind and just learn for the sake of learning, and the fact that I am curious?

Simplifying, acknowledging what I fear,  and addressing these fears and worries is what I believe it takes to overcome what we are reticent to pursue.   This could be a relationship, career,  finances..ect.  The list goes on and on.

In order to have better self awareness, we need to practice mindfulness.  If you google this topic, there is plenty of material out there, so I won’t bore you with the details.

As I mentioned previously, I practice meditation, but there are other means to becoming more mindful about your thoughts.  It just takes practice, and addressing your fears and worries, one step at a time.

How not to be a coward

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been a coward the majority of my life.  I never gave it my all.  I always let the other guy step up.  I hesitate to say that I could have done a better job than him, though. I never had much confidence. I could blame it on my upbringing but recently I have been reticent to play that card.

I don’t want to blame anyone anymore for how I behave. It is about time that I take responsibility for how I react to life’s ups and downs.

A coward is one who blames others for his mistakes.  A coward sits on the sidelines leaving others to do the hard work.   A coward doesn’t put in the effort or hard work, because of the off chance that it will not work out for him. A coward never really gives it his best…

A coward dies a thousand deaths, compared to someone with courage.  I could say that I feel bad for a coward, but I really don’t.  I can empathize and if asked, I would gladly offer hope and encouragement, but the path to courage is up to the individual himself.

So, here I am early 40’s and just acknowledging the depths of my cowardice.  It is frightening and exhilarating to face this deep personal defect.  I know I have the strength to persevere to permanently remove cowardice from my person, but there is always that nagging feeling that I might not be strong enough.

Well, I know I am strong enough to conquer this.  I have been on a path of self development for the past three years now.  I have conquered many demons, and I will conquer this one like all the rest.