This is one major epiphany, that life always doesn’t have to happen to me, rather I can happen to my life.
I think I have always blamed others, or unfortunate circumstances when things didn’t go so well. Poor job performance at work, well just blame it on the employer or customers.
Ultimately it seems that this is just me unconsciously trying to protect my ego. I don’t want to admit that maybe I am not putting too much effort, or that I am not very good at what the job entails. It makes sense.
The cost to blaming others is that I never get the opportunity to accurately assess why things are not going so well. There is no real opportunity for me to understand why my poor job performance is occurring. I never let true honesty between my conscious and unconscious self unfold. If I was honest and in touch with my feelings, I would know that I was miserable in my new role, that I had never really enjoyed working for this company, that I was settling for far less, just because I never thought I could do more or be more.
That in order to create a meaningful life, I would need to be clear with myself on what I really wanted. I’m not good at asking for what I want. I have a tendency to look at neediness as a weakness. I want to change that now. I have needs and I deserve to get them filled.
But that is the thing, it takes effort and and addressing the unconscious fears to be able to get what you want in life.
I realize now that life doesn’t have to happen to me. I don’t have to stay in a job I hate, that I can explore other opportunities. That in the end, my limiting beliefs of what I am capable of are holding me back.
Beliefs about yourself, others and the world have such a tremendous impact on our lives. I never really questioned my beliefs. Many of these beliefs I learned from childhood. It makes sense that these unconscious unhelpful beliefs would be carried by me into adulthood. The majority of us (or all of us) carry around these old unhelpful beliefs our whole lives, unfortunately.
The best way to combat this is to practice mindfulness. Practice being aware of what thoughts are driving us to act and think the way we do. Only then will we have the chance to call those unhelpful beliefs into question, and possibly change our course and take a different path in life.