I hate feeling anxious!

I started looking for a future partner recently, having broken up with my previous partner over six months ago. The anxiety of reaching out to perfect strangers, coming up with the right words to use and then keeping that correspondence going is enough to drive anyone mad!

But here’s the thing, in any endeavor where you are asked to put your self out on a limb, it is going to feel unnatural, foreign, scary and a bit squeamish. I am sure others who have found their partner for life are very glad that they are not swimming around the dating pool.

Any time I have made an oversized effort to change a part of my life, I have felt this uneasiness. Just the thought of the feeling makes me want to scurry for safety. But this perceived safety is false. If I continue to isolate myself and never reach out, I know I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have been alone for majority of my life, and the worrisome thing is that I am very comfortable with self imposed isolation.

To make things worse, I do things slowwwwwly… So any changes in my life have been made over a fairly large period of time. This pattern is self evident in so many aspects of my life…career change, and dating to name a couple. I wish I could make large changes in my life at a much quicker pace. Maybe this is not something wise to ask for. Maybe it is best to make gradual changes over a certain time period.

My motivation for change comes and goes like the breeze. This doesn’t help things either. It just feels like time is slipping by so quickly. You can grasp at the grains of sand as they slip between your fingers but it doesn’t slow it down.

I think knowing what I want, and clarifying it in my mind and writing down on paper is the first step of taking the reins of my future. I also think purposefully putting a consistent amount of time and effort into certain chosen endeavors is a wise choice. Small investments of time over a given period of time can produce wonderful outcomes.

So, this is what I will do. Write down what I want, put in consistent effort, and work on making these dreams come true. Wish me luck!

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