I haven’t always been kind. Actually, until recently, I never gave it much thought or attention. I was always blunt to some extent when conveying to others how I felt or what my opinion was in relation to what we were speaking about. You see, I just didn’t give that much of a damn. It never weighed on my conscience, or it could have also been that I was not overly aware or interested in others thought of me. I was, and I think still am to a certain extent a perpetually unhappy person.
Recently, I have been making progress on being more mindful on how I treat others. I think a lot of my self growth has stemmed from addressing my past. Only recently have I fully acknowledged the narcissistic abuse that I endured as a child. And if you have come from a similar past or have been in a relationship with a true narcissist, you will understand that they leave a large swathe of dysfunctional wreckage in their wake.
You are left picking up the pieces of your life, long after you have separated from them, or have had the ability to distance yourself from their traumatic abuse and mind games. Being able to focus and resolve old wounds from my past has given me new insight into how I treat others around me. You see, I too have narcissistic traits. I gain the trust of others, and then purposefully devalue the individual ever so slightly. Like a thousand paper cuts, it takes time for the residual effect to set in. To behave this one, I see now that it is very unkind and destructive to both parties.
Now that I have a better vision of how I behave and where these traits originated, I am in a better position to change them. The biggest shift is that since I have a better understanding of myself, and by practicing self forgiveness, I am on a trajectory to treating myself better. Forming a better relationship with ones self is the quickest way, in my honest opinion, being able to form stronger relationships with others.
Mindfulness, and positive self regard are the two most powerful tools someone can have to build a better, kinder future for yourself and your loved ones.