How do I know this time will be different?

Why haven’t I tried more? What in my career and in life in general has caused me to be so blind to the fact that I am not making much progress?

I am passive. I don’t purposefully pursue what is in my best interest for the long run. I am future focused but I am not.   I have not planned out my career, as I should have, and now I am in a bind.

I tell myself that I am going to get my shit together, and that this time it will be different, but really, if I am honest with myself, will it really?  How can I trust myself after pulling this shit, over the past 40+ years.

Am I a loser?  Because I don’t have a wife, a secure cushy job and a four year degree? Possibly, in the eyes of many Americans.  We live our lives by the ideals of our society. If we happen to not meet those expectations, many of us cannot help to feel like we are abject failures.

So, in short, I don’t know if this time it will be different.  All I can do is try my best, and make better plans for my future.  I’m a bit of a dreamer, so it is very easy for me to get lost in my head.  I will just need to be more self aware.

I don’t know what is in store for me, and my future.  I should be grateful for what I have and be thankful that I am healthy.  There are a lot less fortunate people out there in the world, and a person’s personal perspective can become clouded with their less consequential misfortunes, easily.

I guess what I have to say is that nobody is holding my feet to the fire.  If I don’t like my current predicament, well then, I best do something about it.  I plan to go see a career counselor, and I am going to look into completing my bachelors degree.

Complaining and ruminating only saps a person’s energy. It is best to plan a a course of action and take it.  Any direction at this point is fine by me!

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