Fear of failure is a fear of shame


I was reading an article lately about fearing failure. I think I have dealt with this the majority of my life. I have never been one to put myself out there.  I never saw the benefit equal or better than the cost of looking inept or stupid.

Recently, I have taken another deeper look at my fear of trying. What I discovered is something more telling about not only my fears but others as well. It was mentioned in an article that a fear of failure is essentially a fear of shame.   It is not that the person cannot cope with the feelings of disappointment, anger, or frustration, but that failing at something causes them to feel a deep sense of shame!

Shame has to be one of or the most powerful deterrents for stopping someone from trying.  Shame is insidious. It seeps into our souls, and infects our minds with deep, ephemeral feelings of fear, disgust, loathing.

Shame is something that will bend and break an individual’s soul, twisting it to and fro, with no mercy or pity.  I have dealt with shame for the better part of my life.   Shame of how incompetent I felt when performing new tasks.  Shame of my body, feeling like I did not meet the world’s standards.  Shame of my appearance.

The thing is, someone with deep shame, will never be successful. They will not be able to live a fulfilling life. They are destined to live a life of self imposed torment.  Living a life of mediocrity, never having the courage to raise their head and shoulders to meet the world’s gaze.   I don’t look down upon others that have shame in their hearts, I am empathetic to their plight.  I too have had shame burned into my soul for many years.

But, just because you have shame, does not give you the excuse not to fight the dark evil within you that is sucking the life-force out o your soul. And I believe you must fight.  Life is so damn precious and time passes so quickly, you owe it to yourself to stand and fight.  Seek help from a therapist, or counselor, do whatever you have to do to help relinquish the grip shame has on your heart.  It is well worth the effort.





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